Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Good Ol' Whatsername

Last night Sean came downstairs after his bedtime, laughing uncontrollably. He could hardly catch his breath. In fact, when I heard him coming I thought at first that he was crying. He was followed by his older brother James. He too was laughing, but with a pained expression on his face.

"Tilly peed on James' pillow!" Sean gasped between laughs.

"Yeah! Bleccch! She peed on my pillow!" said James.

"Was Tilly on your bed?" I asked.

James replied that his pillow was on the floor and the dog was sleeping on it.

"She peed in her sleep!" Sean exclaimed.

"Maybe the dog needs a Goodnite," said James.

Sean pointed at James and laughed even harder. Patrick and I were laughing pretty hard ourselves watching the boys.

Laughing about pee is just one of those things that young boys find hysterically funny. Actually, my husband, who is no longer a young boy, still finds bathroom humor quite funny. The mother who has to clean the pillow wasn't laughing so hard. And the dog who did the peeing should be named Queen Oblivious, because she simply has no clue. EVER.

And speaking of Queen Oblivious, I have a few other names for her: Madame Wigglesworth, for when she greets us at the door and a wag of the tail is simply not enough of a greeting--she must wiggle her entire body. Dogbreath, for when she's eyeing whatever I'm eating--as in "Dream on Dogbreath." Even the kids have taken to calling her this and it slays me when Mary says this in her little cartoon voice. Hairball, for obvious reasons. Last time I vacuumed, I emptied the canister twice because it filled with dog hair. I'm actually not sure if that's an indictment on my housekeeping or the dog's super-shedding capacity. Speedy, for when she's chasing after the tennis ball. Dumb Dog, for when she escapes our yard or pees in the house. Silly Tilly, for when she's racing madly around the house and acting a fool. And finally, Tilly, the name we gave her upon her joining our family. Poor dog, no wonder she seems confused.

When we found her at Animal Control, after first finding her on Petfinder.com, her name was Sparkle. Now, I understand the reasoning behind the folks at Animal Control giving her the moniker Sparkle--she has a sparkling personality. But there was no way I was calling my dog Sparkle. Hells no! I have evolved a bit since the days when I wanted to name our family puppy Brownie Whitey. (Shut up. I was three.) We actually had two names that we were thinking of, Claudine and Matilda--Tilly for short. When we met her, we decided that Tilly fit her better.

From what we gather of her history, she was found wandering stray. She was not spayed and they didn't think she was housebroken, but she was extremely friendly. After the temperment testing they did, they discovered that she was good with children, didn't guard her food, and was just generally a sweet dog. And some days, I have to say, it's a good thing she's cute or she'd wind up on the curb with the recycling! (Oddly, enough, I've made the same statement about all of our children... Don't report me. I wouldn't actually do it. I don't think...)

It's a good thing she's cute when she counter-surfs and scarfs down a whole loaf of banana bread. It's a good thing she's cute when she eats one of the children's straw hats used for dress up. It's a good thing she's cute when she eats the dirt from your child's science project. It's a good thing she's cute when she makes you look like Crazy Bag Lady. It's a good thing she's cute when she poops in the basement. (Why? Really, dog. WHY??) It's a good thing she's cute when she pees on your pillow. See what I mean? Some days the only thing that's keeping her here is her utter cuteness.

Well, that and her simple-mindedness. Because really, how can you be mad at a dog who finds hours of entertainment chasing a spot of light. Truly. It was discovered by accident, but this dog tries and tries to chase and pounce upon the small dot of light reflected off a watch face or cell phone screen. I bought a flashlight for just this purpose. Hours of hilarious enjoyment by humans and canines alike! I highly recommend it. My husband says I'm cruel because she can never catch it like she could a ball, but I think he's wrong. Her ears are up, her tail is wagging, she's alert and has that doggy "smile" when she's chasing it.

Besides, I'm the one who cleans up the pee. She owes me.

***Oops! Forgot to add the usual--comments still broken, you can comment or contact me via email. Thanks!

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