Withdrawal

My mother tells a story of when she was a young married woman with two little boys. At the time, she and my dad had only one car. Dad was working full time and going to school. Mom stayed home with my brothers. She said she used to be so lonely and cut off, that she would eagerly await the mailman's arrival. When he came, she would chat with him and practically follow him down the street. In the evenings, when my dad would get home, my mom would say her hello and then hightail it to the car and make her escape. She tells me that the neighbors joked that they didn't think mom and dad liked each other, because as soon as he got home she was rushing out the door and taking off in the car.

Mom says that she might have only been escaping to the grocery store. but at least she was alone. As the mother of four kids, I totally get this. There were days when a trip to the store with one child was the highlight of my week. These days, however, my kids are older and my need to "escape" has changed. I don't stay home with little ones full time anymore. I work some days. My kids are bigger and have activities and are often on the run from one place to another.

These days, my need for escape isn't so much for alone time as it is for quiet time--a time to sit and think where I'm not required to drive. And that is part of the reason that I blog. This is my "alone time." This is how I sort through things, how I vent my spleen, how I share the big stuff and document the little stuff. In short, this is partly how I keep my hold on sanity--however tentative it may be.

But you know what? I haven't had a computer for a few weeks. And the insanity is starting to get a hold of me. I know, it may seem that I've been in insanity's death grip since my very first post, but I assure you I have not.

Shut up. Truly, not being able to just sit in my kitchen and write and read what other bloggers are writing is making me a leeeeeetle bit crazy. Usually, I start my day by reading through my blog roll. It's like reading the paper to me. I catch up on the lives and happenings of complete strangers. But I like it. It's a way of feeling connected and less alone. When I read about what's going on in other people's lives, I am able to relate and that makes me feel like the stuff I'm living isn't just stuff that's happening only to me. And often, I end my day by writing a post for my blog. It's a good way for me to process. I like being able to document what's going on with my family while it's fresh in my mind.

So the last few weeks of having no computer has felt like a very harsh punishment indeed. And my poor husband! He gets home from his trips and I'm all "Honey!! You're home!!" And he's thinking: "Wow! What a welcome! My wife really missed me! She must really love me!" And I do! Truly, madly, and deeply.

But I also love his computer. You know, the one that he takes with him when he goes on his trips and leaves me without. Yeah. That one. The very one that I'm using to write this post.

My husband's laptop is loud and buzzy. It sits on his very messy desk, leaving me no place to set my Diet Coke or my glass of wine. It sits too far back on his desk for me to see it clearly. (He got new glasses--bifocals! HA!-- and he's all "Na-na-na-na-na! I can see stuff and you can't!") (Yes, I'm certain that a trip to the eye doctor is in the future for me, and I'm sure it will be quite blogworthy given that I wear one contact and have one bionic eye. Not quite sure what they will do to me, but I think I might wind up with the eyewear equivalent of the old headgear orthodontists used to make kids wear.) I have to close down 872 windows that he leaves open. I have to wait until he is finished with work before I can use it. Also, I have to jockey for position to use it because my teenage daughter is going through Facebook withdrawal (Hey, Pot! I'm Kettle. Nice to meet you!) and she is dying to get on as well.

But I cannot complain. Really. That paragraph back there? Totally NOT complaining. Just, you know, explaining things and being descriptive. Right? Shut up. I am grateful for not having to drive 15 minutes to use the library computer. Because those librarians? Dude, they really frown on people bringing adult beverages into the computer room.

So I guess what I'm trying to say--and taking a very long time and doing a rather poor job of it--is that my husband is home and that I am glad to see both him and his computer. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get on Facebook and see how many stupid Farmville requests I have update my status from "Happy Easter" to something along the lines of "Computer+wine=happiness."