Crown Her With Many Crowns

This week is kicking my butt. It started with me getting a migraine and a 5 year old getting an ear infection. Always kind of a sucktastic way to start your week. This is Mary's third ear infection since January. I'm not sure if the last one cleared completely since we didn't have it rechecked. So now she is on a stronger antibiotic. She cannot stand the taste of it, so every dose becomes a match of wits and stamina. So far I am prevailing, but it's not for any lack of effort on her part. Thank goodness that this particular medicine only has to be taken once a day for five days. I'm not sure I can take much more of this. I'm fairly certain that if someone from the Department of Children and Family Services had seen me holding my child down and forcing the medicine into her gullet, they would be giving me the stink eye. Although this does seem to be a no-win situation from the DCFS standpoint; it's neglect if I fail to medicate her, but in order to medicate her, I have to force her to take it.

My mother tells me that what goes around comes around. Apparently I was not the angel I seem to remember being as a child. Particularly where taking medicine was concerned. Guess I'm payin' for my raisin'.

Blessedly, there are only two more doses of medicine to go. I'm fairly certain that I can make it through. Although large quantities of alcohol may be needed to steady my nerves....

Then, on Tuesday I had the sheer and utter delight to spend my morning off cleaning and my afternoon off taking my four lovely children to the dentist. I sat in the waiting room with them and read a magazine and pretended not to know them while they laid down in a corner and alternately rested and kicked each other because someone was in "their space." (To be fair to Maggie, she chose to spend her time doing homework and texting. I'm not really sure how a person can get their homework completed when their phone buzzes every .2 seconds, but somehow Maggie managed.) Then, when the three "resters" became restless, I pretended not to notice. I would look around with a look that said "Whose children are they? Someone needs to get control of those children!!"

But they totally blew my cover by coming over and saying "Mom! Mom!" every 30 seconds. Then after they had rested, they looked through every magazine and book available. Five minutes later when they were done with that, they decided that quoting lines from "The Simpsons" seemed like a great way to pass the time. Actually, that part was pretty funny. I love me some Simpsons.

The kids got good reports all around, although it was touch and go with Mary who had to get xrays and didn't enjoy it one bit. After settling up our balance and making appointments for them all for six months down the line, the receptionist complimented them on their behavior. I nearly swallowed my tongue. I must have given her a look that said "are you sure you have the right children?" because she told me that they were very well behaved. She said that usually when they have three or four kids booked together like that they know it's going to be a long day, but she said they have never thought that about my kids.

I have a feeling that she just didn't want to lose our business. I mean, my kids are pretty good, but they were, after all having a mini-smackdown match in the corner. I can't imagine what other kids must be doing if that makes my kids the standard. Either that, or the bar is really low.

Today I had my own chance to sit in the dentist's chair. Now, I don't dread the dentist like some people do, but it's not my favorite thing ever either. I'm not a huge fan of people using pointy tools and jabbing them here and there in my mouth, but you know, as far as medical type things go, it's miles ahead of a mammogram or the indignities you face in the OB/GYN's office. (Hi there Dad! Sorry!)

So I sat there and tried my best to talk around the fingers in my mouth as they asked me questions, periodically wiping minty saliva from my cheek as the hygienist kept accidentally splashing me with my own spit. (Hope you aren't eating while you read this. Sorry.) Come to think of it, maybe they didn't really find my children all that well behaved and that was my payback. Hmmmm....

And then the bad news. The porcelain crown on one of my molars is chipped. This is the same crown they have replaced once. Here's what happened:
Once upon a time I went to the dentist and they discovered my molar was cracked. Boo! I went back to the dentist and they replaced the cracked part with a crown. Yea! One night while chewing gum and writing my blog, my crown came out in my hand. Boo! So I returned to the dentist where they replaced it at no charge to me, since I had only had it a short while. Yea! Fastforward to today where they tell me the replacement needs replaced and they will have to do a heavy duty crown. Boo! It will be replaced at no charge to me. Yea! This still means that next week I get to spend 2 hours in a dentist chair while my spit runs down my numbed face. Boo! The end.

The dentist told me that he wouldn't do a gold crown unless I really wanted it. I told him that I prefer my bling outside my mouth and that a regular heavy duty crown like I have on the other side of my mouth would be just swell with me. He said that some people liked bling in their mouth up front and center where God and everyone can see it. We had a good laugh about what my kids would do if I came home with a grille in my mouth. Somehow I don't think that's my style.

Although if he could do one that says "Don't mess with mama" in sapphires, I might consider it. That way, every time I had to force a child to take medicine, I could just flash my grille and they would stop dissin' me. True dat. Word.