Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Denial: It Works For Me!

Some things may or may not have happened Chez Ganey lately. And I shall follow the CIA policy of complete denial.

I did not eat a meal of popcorn one night last week, leaving the children to fend for themselves because I was so tired from running said children to activities EVERY DAY last week--including the weekend--to fix a meal.

I did not hide the Dumb Dog's squeaky ball when she brought it to me for the eleventy-billionth time while I was trying to watch t.v. This did not make her look like she has Early Onset Doggy Dementia when she came back into the room and was all damn! I was just in here! I know I came in here for something? Now what was I looking for?

I did not laugh at the Dumb Dog for looking like she has Doggy Dementia.

I did not glare at my camera for sitting on my counter and mocking me for my inability to feel the least bit creative lately.

I did not shove it deeply into my camera bag while muttering things about f-stops and white balance and inanimate objects somehow inducing guilt.

I did not close the door on my kids' bathroom so I didn't have to look at it instead of clean it.

I did not forget that the assessor was coming today to look at the house for our refinancing.

I did not go into panic mode when he mentioned that he would spend about 15 minutes outside taking pictures before he came INSIDE TO TAKE PICTURES!

I did not glare at my husband and accuse him of purposely forgetting to tell me about the picture part.

I did not sprint up the stairs the second the door closed behind the assessor to clean the kids' bathroom.

I did not run through bedrooms with a garbage bag shoving things inside it to make the rooms look cleaner.

I was not sweating when the assessor came inside.

I did not make the excuse to the assessor that my children were supposed to clean their rooms this weekend but with the cold weather, everyone has realized that all of their pants have suddenly been shortened by two or three inches and instead of cleaning, we went on an emergency shopping trip for pants.

I did not tell my children that they would have to choose between growing and going to college.

I did not take 6 garbage bags full of outgrown/no longer worn clothing from every one's closet--including that of mine and my beloved--to Goodwill.

I did not take 6 garbage bags containing throw pillows to Goodwill.

I do not have issues with throw pillows. I do not need an intervention. I can quit any time I want to.

I did not walk by the mountains of clothing in the laundry room this weekend and say "I'll do that later."

I did not go into the laundry room this morning and immediately start saying bad words to myself about myself.

I did not hide the squeaker from the Dumb Dog's desqueaked fluffy hedgehog in my pocket and randomly squeak it just to make her crazy.

I did not hide chocolate.

I did not dance in the kitchen to a new favorite song when I was all alone.

I did not dance in the kitchen to another new favorite song with my 13 year old son and proceed to tell him that I really know how to get down with my bad self.

He did not laugh at me.

I did not stick my tongue out at my computer when looking at the home decor category on Pinterest.

I did not forget to take in a thing that's needed to be returned to Lowe's that was sitting right next to my purse on my car seat when I went in there earlier in the week.

I did not realize it when I drove away and I was not too lazy to turn around and go back and return it.

I did not look at myself in the mirror and say bad things about myself and my appearance.

I did not "forget" to vacuum because I was reading.

I did not make faces behind my beloved's back when he was kindly and gently reminding me about something with the checkbook.

I did not forget to enter something into the checkbook.

I did not wave in a friendly manner to a neighbor and then roll my eyes when the neighbor couldn't see me.

I did not forget my list when I went to the grocery store.

I did not put on my ipod while I was fixing dinner so that I wouldn't have to interact with anyone.

Nobody interrupted me while I was fixing dinner.

I did not drink a glass of wine and then wish for several more glasses.

Okay. So there you go. All sorts of things that apparently didn't happen. What about you? What didn't you do?

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