Monday, October 25, 2010

The First Day Of The Rest...

Today is the first day of the rest of my unemployed life. Or something like that. Remember how I was overwhelmed? After mulling and stewing and praying and crying and seeking advice and deciding and backing out, I finally got things straight and made the decision: it was time to quit work and stay at home again.

It was a painful decision because that's not who I am. I am not someone who undertakes a big responsibility and then backs out. I am not a person who thinks that a job is just a job. That's not how I was raised and that's not how I'm raising my children.


I was so torn. I didn't feel as if I was doing great work either with my family or at school. My part-time job took up more time than I'd estimated--not through any extra expectations on the part of the people I worked with, but because that is the nature of part-time work. I just couldn't catch up. I was feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and even a little bit resentful and that's not a good way to live.


Last Tuesday was my last day. And I have to say, if you are ever going to quit a job, my old workplace is the place to do it. I was met with hugs and gifts and love and wonderful words of support. It made me want to take it all back. Well, almost.

Actually, as my kids had fall break on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, I hadn't really had the chance to think about the relief of not having to battle it all. But last night, knowing that I wouldn't be going in today, knowing that I would be home? Well, it felt like I'd lost 300 pounds from my shoulders and that feels pretty good.

Now I have to order my week. There are things to do around here. Things like catch up on the blog--there was a birthday on the weekend and I need to get stuff posted for it. I need to read utter crap that has no literary value whatsoever. And I need to do it while consuming large quantities of wine, cheese, and chocolate. I need to visit craft stores and Goodwill because they are starting to forget who I am. I need to catch up on all the shows that I've got sitting in the queue on my DVR and have been to tired to watch. Too tired to watch TV? Now that's some serious tired, my friends! I need to play with the dumb dog and take her for long walks. I need to start running again. I need to clean out my pantry and refrigerator because I keep grabbing empty or near-empty containers that my offspring leave in them. I swear once I do that, both will be nearly bare. I need to do an actual with-a-list grocery run, not just an oh-crap-I'm-out-of-____-and-I-should-pick-up-a-couple-of-_____-as-well grocery run. I need to dive into the closets and drawers in my kids' rooms and clear them out. I need to paint furniture for James' room. I need to paint Maggie's room. I need to paint Sean's room. I need to paint the kids' bathroom. I need to clean the blinds. The garden needs to be winterized. My bedroom needs a deep cleaning. The planning desk in the kitchen needs to be relieved of the 65 metric tons of crap. I need to go to the eye doctor. I need to get my mammogram. I need to schedule a visit to the vet for the dumb dog.

Actually, I think I might need an assistant. It would only be part-time work and I couldn't pay them much. In fact, I can't pay anything. But I'm fun to be around and I would totally share my wine, chocolate, and cheese. Any takers?

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