Questions For The Universe

These are just a few of the questions that have been rattling around in my head. I figure that this is just the place to let them loose. After all, you all are familiar with my own little brand of insanity, so you probably won't think any differently about me after reading the kinds of things that have been occupying valuable brain space.

Why does drywall dust find its place into the smallest nook and cranny and what makes it next to impossible to dust off of your clothing if you should happen to bump into it?

Related--but only barely--question: Why can I go for days wearing dark colored shirts and have nothing land on my, um, chestal area, yet when I wear a light colored shirt, it is as if my boobs are stain seeking magnets?

What is up with Madonna's arms?

Why did I start getting wild chin hairs when I hit 35?

Who are The Powers That Be and who died and made them so powerful?

Why did no one tell me about making doughnuts using refrigerated biscuits?

Related question: Will the authorities come after me for neglect of dependents for not discovering and preparing those luscious pieces of fried dough sooner?

Why do people with Y chromosomes find farts so funny? In my experience with my own Y chromosomed beings, there is nothing funny about them.

Who wrote the book of love?

Where have all the flowers gone?

Why do my children like to gorge themselves on crappy television?

Why does time go by so quickly as an adult when it seemed to fairly crawl when I was a child?

When will someone invent a self-cleaning toilet? And not just the bowl, but the whole thing--especially the part by the bolts that seem to be magnets for grunge.

Why does my dog enjoy eating ice cubes from the ice maker?

What exactly is Lady Gaga? I'm pretty certain that she's not from around here...

Why do I get embarrassed when I wave at someone who is not who I thought they were? Like they care if some random stranger waves to them.

Why won't my daughter consume more than ketchup and air?

Why do I like to organize things but I don't like to clean?

Why do we have 428 pencils but only two of them are sharpened?

What is the purpose of the uvula?

When will my children think that I know things?

Correction: When will my children think that I know things besides what's for dinner or where their favorite pair of black pants are?

When is "LOST" coming back and will they really reveal all the secrets of Craphole Island?

Related question: Just what in the wild, wild world of sports is that smoke monster??

Why do I have four calendars and still forget the occasional appointment?

What, exactly, is in a Hot Pocket?

Why are you still reading this?