Wednesday, March 18, 2009

A Letter to March

Dear March,

Why are you trying to kill me?

You know that I have always loved you and stood up for you. I love that sometimes you come in like a lion and out like a lamb. I love that you know when to switch it up and come in like a lamb and out like a lion. Keep 'em guessing, I always say. Some people call you fickle. Not me. I love your caprice--your vast fluctuation in temperatures, your schizophrenic playfulness with the clouds and the sun.

I have always enjoyed the way you know how to throw a party. St. Patrick's Day is a great holiday! Seriously, March, you have some mad party-throwin' skillz. You get down with your bad self on the Ides--which happens to be my brother's birthday. It's all good! And sometimes--oh sometimes you even host Easter, one of my all-time favorite holidays. And March Madness is some pretty fabulous stuff. What I'm saying is that you have some great things to offer.

And March, your timing is most excellent. People complain about you, March. They wish you were more stable, like April. They wish you were warmer, like May. But me? I am always glad to see you! After the cold grayness of February with all of it's snow and frigidness, you are a welcome sight. Taking a walk in February is like taking a walk on the moon; all cold and white and harsh. Taking a walk in March is like walking in the Elysian Fields; all beauty and hope!

And Spring!! Don't get me started on Spring, March. YOU, of all months, were selected to allow Spring to enter ever so gently and breathe her warm breezes on us and fill us with the sweet fragrances of budding trees and new grass. So you know, you've got a pretty sweet position within the calendar and I'm just a great fan of yours.

So I ask you again: Why are you trying to kill me?!?

What is it with the repeated migraines, March? Why are you just letting them have free reign over me? What have I ever done to you?

And what have you done to my children? Somehow you have interfered with their internal thermostats and they're all "We can't play outside!! It's tooo hotttttt!" and "But I don't NEED a jacket! It's not COLD!" March, have you met February? I need my children to play outside. Those kids need to blow the stink off, already!

Do you think it would be possible to hand down an edict to the trees and flowers and grasses forbidding them from blowing their pollen all over the place? I know that it seems like a lot to ask, but really, my nose and my children's noses would thank you from the bottom of their, um, nostrils? If I didn't know better and love you so much, March, I might think you were in cahoots with the kleenex companies.

And really, what was with the time change this year?? We are well past the middle of the month and we are still battling the sleep issues. Are you just mad that April decided she didn't want any part of the time change stuff and foisted it off on you? So now you feel the need to make everyone miserable? Seriously, you are acting like one of my children! KNOCK IT OFF!!

I'm not really sure what I did to make you so upset with me, March. I apologize for acting disgusted when people ask whether I celebrate my non-leap year birthdays in February or March. It's not you I'm annoyed with, it's just the question is silly. I was born in February, so I officially celebrate in February. I'm sure it's very nice to have a birthday in March. Millions of people all over the world seem very happy to do so.

I've had your back, March. I've sung your praises. I've enjoyed you thoroughly in the past. Whatever it is that's got you gunning for me, could we just let bygones be bygones? Let's be friends again, mmm'kay?


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