Monday, November 1, 2010

Trick or Treat! Now Gimme Some A Your Candaaay!!!

I have a confession to make: I hate Halloween. I'm sure that I didn't as a kid. I mean, what child in his right mind would? Your mom does everything and you get to go beg for candy and get all hopped up on sugar and your parents can't even get mad about it. That right there is a holiday designed with kids in mind. I'm not completely sure that it wasn't kids who came up with it in the first place. I know the origins of Halloween. Or what they say the origins are. But I'm starting to think that perhaps that's all subterfuge and smoke and mirrors to cover the fact that children came up with the day. What a perfect evil plan.

The reasons I hate Halloween are numerous, but they can all be encompassed by this statement: I have to do it all.

And also: Since when did people start decorating for Halloween like it is some major holiday and when did they start putting their stuff up in September?

Related: I am certain my one carved pumpkin as our only decoration made our house look like the house with the least Halloween Spirit.

Also related: I just don't care.

Anyway, my children, just like most, were out there in it last night, knocking on doors and trolling for candy. Three of my children were old enough to go either with a buddy or with a group. That just left Mary, who wasn't feeling well and stopped after a few houses (Still, she came home with half a pumpkin bucket full of candy. Not a bad haul for quick work.) for us to take around. Rather, for my beloved to take around. I sat outside on a camp stool trying not to freeze my bupkiss off and passed out candy.

The kids chose some winners for their costumes this year. Maggie chose the perfect outfit for a teenage girl. She taped Smarties all over her pants and went as "Smarty-pants." She was thereby able to justify her begging for candy by having a sorta-kinda-but-not-really-costume. I thought it was perfect as she is a smartypants (and sometimes a smarty mouth) and is sometimes happy to give only sorta-kinda-but-not-really-effort to things. Things like Halloween costumes. She thought it was perfect because she could still "look cute" and not have "gross hair." I don't have a picture of her, as she went to a friend's house and got ready and went Halloweening there.

James went as the Grim Reaper. This is just a variation of the same costume he's worn for the last three years. This is so James. When he was three, he dressed up as a firefighter. Then he wanted to be a firefighter again for the next two years. Same with his birthday. For about four years in a row, he wanted a wienie-roast for his birthday party. This is the same kid who complains that he misses "the old wallpaper" three years after we've removed it. Still, he was funny about it. He would point a crooked finger at you and growl "You're next!" and his Facebook status read: "i am death." Made me laugh out loud.

Sean decided to dress as a wrestler from WWE. The WWE is what I call a soap opera with violence for young boys. It's like a tween version of Gray's Anatomy but with more makeup, testosterone, and rhinestones. Oh and choke slams. Some of his buddies were dressing up as Seamus and Rey Mysterio, so Sean decided to be Jeff Hardy. I needed lots of coaching on the costume and makeup needs because while I was familiar with Seamus and Rey, I had never laid eyes on Jeff before. I must have done okay, because when Sean looked in the mirror, he said "BEST. COSTUME. EVER!!" In my humble opinion, his best costume ever was when he was two and I dressed him up as Harpo Marx but what do I know?

Mary was a Native American princess. Now the costume bag just said "Native American girl," but when you are six, you have the right to add princess where ever you want. She was quite happy with her costume and loved her fake braids. She kept twirling them in her hands. Mary had been up in the night for the last couple of nights, complaining of a sore throat. However, she wasn't so sick that a dose of Motrin couldn't pep her up, so rather than causing a hell storm that would come from making her stay in on Halloween, I dosed her up and sent her out to contaminate the neighborhood beg for her share of the neighborhood's candy. After she came home, she curled up on the couch with her daddy while I continued to pass out candy. Yeah. We're going to the doctor today.

I might've sorta kinda had a little Halloween spirit when I caught glimpses of cuteness that made me want to die and cleverness that made me have a glimmer of hope for the next generation.

What made me want to die of cuteness:
--A two year old dressed in a monkey costume--complete with fat belly and banana sticking out of his pocket.

--Our neighbor's kids. Our neighbors across the cul-de-sac have two sets of twins. Two. Sets. Of Twins! They have a pair of 7 year old boys. And a twin girl and boy that just turned two. The big boys went as Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker. The younger twins went as Yoda and Princess Leia. When I saw them coming down their driveway, I had to call Patrick off the couch so he, too, could die from the cuteness. We are now corpses, the both of us.

What made me have a glimmer of hope for the next generation:
--3 junior high boys who made their costumes (suits, hats, ties) out of neon duct tape. Seriously cool. These same boys last year were and ipod and a claw machine. The cynicism might have crept back in when after I commented on how cool their costumes were, one of the boys said "Oh, yeah. You get way more candy that way."

I guess I'll have to get used to the idea that Halloween isn't going anywhere anytime soon. I suppose I'll get through it. Knowing that I can raid my kids' treat bags and sneak a Snickers while they are at school will go a long way in alleviating any bad feelings.

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